Birthday Evening

What a birthday. 39...dear god how did we get here? 16 seems not so far away & simultaneously like some one else's life. 39...one more year will fly by and I'll be 40. An inner scream lights up my mind. Age is just a number...haven't I always said that about other people? I do have vague recollections of saying just that when I dated some one much older than myself. Odd that now it does not seem like a number. It seems like a mutilating label. Resolving not to think about it further until I have lost this weight. I'm sure I will feel differently about this when I am not lugging around extra body fat...

It was a lovely birthday - worked - some things can't be avoided no matter how hard I try. My youngest son came back from Paris. That was lovely & such a nice surprise. And he gave me a present of an Eiffel Tower Sculpture. His father is giving me a photo of him in front of it. Which is what I really wanted. lol. My oldest son took me out to dinner and surprises of a huge box of Godiva chocolates & Williams Sonoma cookwear. He knows the perfect thing to do! I got myself the toaster from Williams Sonoma that I've been wanting. A small thing, silly really, but something I have wanted and not allowed myself for ages.

Dinner was fantastic. Mexican food at a posh place with a great balcony, where we ate and watched the storm clouds blowing off across the vista. Ahh, is there any thing more beautiful than a blue sky contrasted by the dark storm clouds taking flight? I don't know that there is for me tonight. After a mojito came home to curl up and read. This was the perfect b-day, even if I am some ghastly age...

Reading T.J. Waters CLASS 11 MY STORY INSIDE THE CIA'S FIRST POST 9/11 SPY CLASS.

Fascinating read. Fascinating man. I did not expect it to be as warm as it is. I am not done with it, and can't seem to put it down for long. This book has brought home once again how thankful I am to those who serve & protect us. I hear a lot of rubbish talking about the CIA and their place in the world. My opinion is this: The CIA is a guard dog for America that has been kept chained to a wall with a thick chain with a limited reach. That chain needs to be cut. They need to be freed of all constraints to do as they see fit for the reasons that they know better than the American public what needs to be done.

Many people think American's need to know the details of what goes on behind the closed doors in the antichambers of our government. I don't think we as a culture can handle the truth. Look at our reactions to the simplest of statements by our government. American's can't handle truth, except in limited dosage with sugar cubes attached. The truth is keeping America safe is a thankless, boring and dirty job - and every last one of us should pray on bended knee we will never know personally the sacrifices those who do make in our name.

I can't express how thankful I am to every man & woman & their families for every tiny sacrifice they make on a daily basis when they protect & serve. Even what they would call a small sacrifice are really monumental. It will always be one of my regrets that when I was young enough to join any organization where I could have served I did not even think of it as an option. Still, for now will be enough to support them and aid them in whatever ways I can. Hopefully, when my sons are old enough and out of school they will follow the footsteps of their grandfathers. I know my oldest has his heart set on being a Marine. Though it frightens me as a mother - I also know that beside that fear is a large amount of pride that he would wish to be such a man...