Things I learned today on Big Brother...

I've been catching up via flashbacks w/Big Brother. It's amazing to me how much you can learn about people from watching them interact...and in extension yourself.

First Lydia admits she has indeed been scampering up to Jesse's room to give him handjobs, but hasn't kissed him. Ok, I know Lydia's had a hard road and her self esteem is torched. You can see that coming and going. Here is a guy who won't act affectionatly towards her in public, or kiss her in private...yet she ends up servicing him. It's not like she's getting any thing out of it...except for staying in the house. So trading sex for what? Hoping he will ''really like'' her? Oh Lydia.

Lesson 1: Handjobs are to men an elaborate handshake or a massage.

It's amazing to me - the difference between a man/woman's view of things there. But I get it. External v Internal sexuality & emotions I suppose. And frankly, I don't see the point...I'd rather have passionate lust filled sexual experiences than wacking one off for some one else. Roll's eyes...

In contrast to Lydia's bartering sex for approval there is Jordan. I adore Jordan. She's like the little sister I never had. Sweet, a bit out of the ordinary. She came up with the statement that she had sex w/ 1 man in her life & she's waiting to know the next time that the guy is a good one, a love that will last. Bravo to Jordan! She's not interested in giving herself to any one that isn't the right guy and is willing to wait. I totally cheered for her when she didn't cave in to the jeers of the people she was talking to either.

That's how I feel about things myself. Though, I don't have a great guy like Jeff in the wings either. OMG. He's like the perfect man...but I don't think she likes him as any thing more than a friend...which brings me to lesson 2.

Lesson 2: MEN ARE MORE LIKELY TO BE INTERESTED IN A WOMAN WHO IS NOT INTERESTED IN THEM.

A fact I recall from previous dating life but man that's messed up. Across the board that messes with my head. So assuming at some point I will rally my self esteem & faith in men enough to try dating again how's that work?

1. Meet man
2. Go out on date with man.
3. Lie and tell man I'm not interested in him when I am? WRONG! I CAN'T LIE.

OK TRY AGAIN

1. Meet man
2. go out on date with man. really like him. do not have sex with him on first date because that's so not my style.
3. never see man again.

GREAT. WAYS TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE ALONE...or alternately like with my x b/f Josh - I really was not interested in him after our 1st date. He had one of several qualifications and finally after being friends with him for months in which he was relentlessly asking me for more.. and i in turn made him jump through hoops... I did finally go out with him...and the whole time kept thinking 'But I just wanna be friends!'...and then he broke up with me & we went back to being friends. WAYS TO WASTE A GOOD TWO YEARS OF MY LIFE...

Men are so confusing. Scratch that...GOOD MEN ARE SO CONFUSING.
Evil men are absolutely simple to understand...and simple to avoid.

Alternately we have
1. Meet man
2. No interest & say so
3. Via some joke from the cosmos I become stranded with him on a desert island where I fall head over heels...but since it is a desert island and there are no showers...I will probably never have sex again.